It’s amazing how often I check my phone for Facebook even though I have logged out on the Droid. Amazing and kinda sad.
In the meantime, I have finished the photo book from our Mediterranean cruise. I’ve gotten laundry done. I’ve gone grocery shopping. We ate dinner on the patio. I’ve started applications for scholarships for school. Gone on two motorcycle rides. Started watching “Weeds” on Netflix. I’m still slowly working on cleaning my office. Scheduling is an ongoing task with my classes, my kids after school activities, family theatre time, and other new activities that get me closer to goals.
The hubby suggested that I just cut out Friday night and Saturday, and have Facebook the rest of the time. I think that will be the long term plan. And then limit myself to certain times of the day.
I do find myself thinking about myself more, and planning for my future. I care more about daily tasks that will lead to long term goals. That’s important. I am a year from completing graduate school. From there I need to find licensing supervision, and begin my studies for becoming a certified sex therapist.
Maya Angelou said that if we spend all our time trying to be normal, we will never know how extraordinary we can be. (Loose quote) The hardest part of school has been being normal enough not to get my butt kicked out of the program, while still reaching for the extraordinary goals I hope to achieve. Some professors are still put off my goals, and by my enthusiasm.
That’s the part I don’t understand. Why is enthusiasm threatening?
Is it something that they have given up, and so it’s uncomfortable to see it in others? Is it somehow threatening? Is it the topic of sex that sets them back?
I don’t want to find balance in my excitement. I want to keep it alive. I want it to infuse everything I do. I want it to define me and guide me and push me forward. Not just in counseling, but in photography, Judaism, cooking, writing, loving. I want to fill life with myself and let life fill me. Balance has no place in that. There is no guarantee of anything after this. This may be my only chance to breath in and breath out. I may only get one chance to leave a lasting piece of myself here. I need to use that opportunity to the fullest.