DAMN this is difficult.
First most difficult task was getting Facebook turned off on all my devices. I’m not sure that I have accomplished this yet. Some notifications continue to come through.
Then it was just difficult not to check responses to the de-tox post!
But I managed. I was even somewhat productive. I don’t feel wonderful about the productivity, as some projects required sitting at the computer anyway.
I do know when I became addicted to the Internet in general. It was when my boys were babies, and I was alone and isolated. It was when my (now ex) husband was abusive and controlling and I had no where else to go. My family was estranged or far away. My close friends had somehow stayed on the East Coast, or moved all the way to the West coast. My Mother, such as she was, had just died. I found a TV show to obsess over, and it had a movie as well, and I started looking up information on the web.
From there I found community. I found support. I found people the ex couldn’t touch, people he didn’t know. I found people of like mind to me. Intelligent people. Thoughtful people. For the most part, kind people.
I also met bullies there. I treated them like a learning curve. I thickened my skin, as it were, and I got stronger dealing with them. It was easier to deal with bullies who didn’t even know me. That eventually translated into bullies in real life, and they simply stopped bothering me. Instead, I felt pity for them. I knew they had no idea who I was, so the bullying was clearly a reflection of something inside their own heads and hearts. The world had taught them for whatever reason that this would keep them safe. I think that’s a sad place to be in life.
Anyway, that community sustained me. It expanded me from afar. And then it encouraged me and protected me so that I could rid myself of the abusive marriage. I found people who would let me mourn my Mother in my own way. I credit those people for helping me find myself again, helping me through emotional rehabilitation.
The downside was that I got dependent. But that’s a blog post for another day. I think I promised a list of things I want to accomplish this month.
And as promised here is the list of things, in no particular order, that I intend to get done this month, and some that I made a dent on in Day One.
– Respond to colleague regarding previous email (done)
– Apply for licensing
– Apply for jobs
– Purchase birthday cards
– Kid errands: Shoes, haircut, driver’s license
– Me errands; Staples for ink, paper and post-its, Batteries plus for computer battery
– Call friend M
– Call friend N
– Finish photo book from vacation (worked on this for about an hour on Day One.)
– Clean Office (worked on this for about an hour, moved books around.)
– Finish downloading borrowed study CD’s
– Study/work on index cards for exam (worked on this for about one hour on Day One.)
– Sort University emails into proper folders
– Laundry (2 loads done Day One)
– Clean magnets off fridge/put on new fridge
– Blog no more than one time a day
– Work on novel
– Prepare for school: notebooks, schedule, bag, etc…
– Make hotel reservations for class on distant campus
– Check GPA, reapply to honor society
– Doctor/health stuff
– Weed the garden